My Eulogy to Gram

My Grandmother, Pat, was born in Toronto on July 20, 1921. Her real name was Eleanor, but after years of people mispronouncing it like, “EL-NER”, she managed to successfully change it to Pat. Gram was a daughter, a wife, a mother, a sister, a grandparent, a great grandparent, and most importantly, a friend to all of us. I’m sure that everyone here could tell countless stories about how she touched your life!

Personally, I often marvel at the thought of everything Gram’s generation has seen throughout their lifetimes. To think, when Gram was born, there was no such thing as television, or refrigerators! She lived through the GREAT depression, the big band era, the 1939 Royal visit, World War 2 and the opening of Toronto’s first subway line.

The happiest part of my Grandmother’s life was her 58 year marriage to my grandfather, Jack Messer. As the story goes, in 1937, Gram went to a party, and the moment she walked through the front door, a handsome fella with curly red hair hollered, “whoopie, a new girl!” That fella was my future Grandfather. My Grandparents each told me that on that very night, they both knew that they had just met the person they would eventually marry. They had so much fun during their courtship - They just LOVED going out dancing to big band music and would do so with friends almost every night of the week! Grandpa once told me that when the clubs closed their doors at the end of the night, they would, simply, take the party out to the streets and continue dancing there!

Soon after my Grandparents got married, Grandpa was drafted in to the Canadian Army. After he was shipped out, Gram moved in with her parents until Grandpa returned from the war. It was during this time that she had her first daughter, my Mom, Judy. I often wonder how she managed to juggle new motherhood with her sweetheart so far away. Luckily, her relationship with her Mother (who we all called Nano) was a wonderful one, and she also had the support of her Sister, Audrey, her Father, George (Popeye), and his 7 sister’s.

My Grandparents home was always bustling with people. Christmas was an extra special time of year as they always hosted parties on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day - then had everyone back a week later to celebrate New Year’s Eve AND New Year’s Day. When my Mom and Aunt Brenda were younger, Gram would send out well over 100 Christmas cards, and always received just as many in return. If you look at old photographs of the family during the holidays, Christmas cards are displayed throughout the background on window ledges and walls and hanging from makeshift garlands between the window panes. Instead of stockings, the kids would hang pillow cases at the foot of their beds, and on Christmas morning, they were bulging with presents! One year, there were so many gifts around the Christmas tree that my Mom and Aunt Brenda couldn't get in to the room!

In the early years of their marriage, their summers were spent at the Messer cottage on Prospect Lake. Just like their house in Toronto, the cottage was always full of people! Gram did her best to make the huge cottage as inviting and cozy as possible for everyone, but in her heart, she was a city girl, and always said her favourite part of the vacation was coming home to a nice clean house in Toronto (courtesy of my Great Grandmother, Nano!)

In the 1950’s Gram decided that she wanted to go to work. Back then, it was considered a radical move for a woman to do anything besides be a homemaker! Gram always loved fashion and had a wonderful sense of style. She quickly discovered that the perfect way to blend her great fashion sense and people skills was by working as a salesclerk at a nearby Reitmans store. She kept her sense of style right up to her final days - In fact, just two weeks ago, I bought a new winter coat and took it with me when I went to visit her - she obviously thought it was a smart purchase because she made such a fuss asking me to model it for her and even begging to try it on herself! My Cousin, Sarah, saw her last Saturday, and she told me how they spent a good portion of their visit flipping through fashion magazines pointing out the looks that Gram considered to be trendy or a fashion crime!

In the 1970‘s, my Grandparents started taking winter holidays in Florida. After Grandpa retired, these holidays lasted three months! As they drove through Ohio, Tennessee and Georgia, Gram loved watching the landscape change from winter to spring. They had tons of friends from their Bridge Club there, and every evening, the group would gather down by the waterfront to watch the sunset.

As a child, I always looked forward to every August when our Family, Aunt Brenda's and Grandpa and Gram would vacation at Sauble Beach. John, Heather, Sarah and I always looked forward to our nightly walks along the water with Gram to feed the seagulls and hunt for treasures in the sand.

One of my earliest memories of Gram is sitting on the back porch at Burnside Drive. We’d make paper dolls along with outfits and swing sets and various toys for them to “play” with. Whenever I went over to her house, there was always oodles of construction paper waiting for me to let my imagination run wild! She’d make such a fuss over my latest creation and I delighted in the fact that it would be displayed in her house for years to come. As a matter of fact, I credit these memories for my current obsession with paper crafts!

Both of my grandparents loved to exercise. They always had exercise mats on the floor, and when Grandpa wasn’t giving Gram her nightly foot massage, they would spend the evenings doing their exercise routines in front of the TV. Right up to her final week, Gram continued to improve herself by attending exercise classes three days a week. After her stroke, she worked so hard to regain her speech via books, and flashcards. Although she often became frustrated at times, she would never, simply, give up and would try and try again.

Aside from her various exercise routines, she was also an active “yogi”. I’ll never forget when Grandpa passed away in January, 2000 and she asked us all to stand around his coffin, hold hands, and recite a prayer that she learned in yoga class:

The light of God surrounds us.

The love of God enfolds us.

The power of God protects us.

The presence of God watches over us.

Wherever we are, God is. And all is well.

There was something so peaceful and magical in that moment.

Gram told us that when she did her yoga meditation, she would visualize herself walking down to the Lake with Grandpa and Johnny - as the sun would set over the blue water and white sand, she’d stretch out on a picnic table with my Grandfather at her side and my Brother playing in the sand below. She always said that this vision filled her with a sense of peace and security.

To quote my Mother on the day Gram passed, “Can you even imagine a world without Gram in it?” No Mom, I can’t, all I can do is hope and pray that she is finally at peace and happily living inside her vision - on a beach at sunset with Grandpa at her side, holding her hand.

xo K

*Special thanks to Aunt Brenda who managed to capture so many wonderful memories in the book she wrote. "Nicholas Vivian Kent (1822 - 1911) An Ontario Family Saga"